Pantomime Machine

[jmf]

Time to get our thinking caps on!
Those of us in the Machine, the end of Panto muck-about, would like some help thinking of comedy words to fit with this:

If I was not in Panto now, someone else I'd rather be.
If I was not in Panto now, a <some job> I would be.
<doing something>, <doing something else>, <final comedy tag>

An example from the previous panto...
If I was not in Panto now, someone else I'd rather be.
If I was not in Panto now, a Golfer I would be.
Swinging here, swinging there, have you seen my balls?

The nature of the machine is that there are movements to these lines that should overlap or conflict with the others in the machine. The spectacle at the end when all seven or eight machinists performing contrary actions brings out great hilarity with the audience.

What examples can you come up with?

If I was not in Panto now, someone else I'd rather be.
If I was not in Panto now, a TV Chef I'd be.
Slicing here, dicing there, I've got a lovely chopper.

I'm sure that they will be better than that.